Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
