Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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