Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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