If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
