I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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