I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
