I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
