the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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