omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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