Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
