It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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