so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
