On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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