Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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