When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize