Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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