Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
