So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
