if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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