pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize