I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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