I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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