come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
