Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
