Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
