do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
