If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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