you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
