Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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