I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
