We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
