Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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