I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
