too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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