If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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