What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
