Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
