of course. lets lasso hookers.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
