my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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