someone get that fucking seahorse.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
