I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We need to get me chipped asap
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize