I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
