Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
