Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
