Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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