i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
...so i touched it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize