After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
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