also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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