Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
