Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Small penises have feelings too.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
