I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
