But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
