I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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