When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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