im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
