I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
