so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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