Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
