I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
