The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize