my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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