My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize