SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
