i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up under a house in Key West
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
