I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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