Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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