Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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