I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
