Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize