Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
