Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize