How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
