I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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