At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
