girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
