So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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